Mary Hanafin

These randomers in the photo above just don't want to be there - you can just fricking tell. They are all holding this brown book looking 'deadly', except that guy on the very right who probably ate his. And the bloke second from left is also about to eat his. Yes, Hanafin is the one in the middle. Not the dude in the shirt. So yeah, Mary is holding the book open, trying to look all studious. Eh Hanafin, you need to be actually looking at it to be able to read it.

So anyway, who know's how exactly Hanafin was conceived, probably in the cradle of hell, but what we do know is that she has made a right fuck-up of the department she is in charge of - that of Education and Science. Sure she can't even spell properly, this is an extract from the welcome page on her website(www.maryhanafin.ie/failte.htm) :

"T� �thas orm go ndearna t� teagmh�il liom agus t� s�il agam go l�ifidh t� �bhar suimi�il. F�ilteofar roimh do thuairim�!

What is that? I think its an attempt at our rancid language. Hardly inspirational for the students, forced by Hanafin, to take the subject for the Leaving Cert. (She signs off on her welcome page with the simple signature 'Mary' - D?n Laoghaire Fianna F?il T.D - how sweet).

Hanafin was born in Thurles, County Tipperary in the year 11 A.D and over the last 2000 years she has been intermittently engaged in epic Highlander-esque battles with various pig farmers. She converted to Catholicism in 316 A.D after she went out for a few cans in the local field with Saint Patrick who told her JC "was wicked". After realising that being only able to converse in an ancient dialect of Hebrew was useless to her, Hanafin decided to enroll in Presentation Convent Thurles, in the early 1970's. Somehow she managed to get a degree a few years later from some shithole.

After getting fleeced numerous times by teenage scobes on her stroll home to Coolock (Mary likes to walk everywhere), Hanafin decided that Blackrock, on the other side of Dublin city was where it was at. Teaching to little shits in the Dominican College, she realised that having power (the non-mythical type) was savage and gave politics a go. To cut a long story short Mary, after getting fucked around a bit by her local electorate and Fianna Fail, eventually got elected to the Dail in 1997. Well done Mary.

Hanafin, as mentioned, has gone on to become the Minister for Education and Science. This job basically involves visiting a few bankrupt schools around the country for PR purposes, looking like a spa at the Young Scientist Awards once a year (again for PR purposes) and taking the piss out of kids with autism and principals in Celbridge, County Kildare. In 2009, Hanafin will get €240,000 a year for her labour. She maintains it shows "leadership to defer the pay increase by 12 months" (RTE interview with Dobson) - eh what. The high wage is also needed to ensure that Ministers don't revert to dodgy deals for income (again with Dobson) - how fucking noble. Pity she is full of turd.

However, the lesson learned from 'North Kildare Educate Together....gate' was that you should never fuck with someone who has been around since crucifixes were all the rage. Even if you are "verbally attacked and berated in an aggressive and confrontational way" by Hanafin, try to take it on the chin. She is always right - fucking always right, especially when it comes to kids with autism. Like Montana, Hanafin likes to do things her own way and if she needs to single out some beatch who gets in her way and publicly humiliate her, then she will, don't doubt it. The best thing you can do is to get the fuck out of Hanafin's warpath.

Or she will be on to Lenihan to get you and your kids deported.