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There are two things you need to know about Brian Lenihan. (1) He is amazing at Rounders. If that boy gets to second base, by Moses he will make it home. A solid winner. (2) He likes his deportations as much as his Tangle Twisters. And he really...really likes his Tangle Twisters.
So above is a photo of Brian with with some kid who is about to throw up, her family and their guide dog. Jesus, the man looks demented - look at those eyes. Speaking of eyes, it would explain a lot of shit if it was found that Lenihan was blind. Maybe it's his dog and he brought it along to the ceremony for free Pedigree chum snacks.
Brian was born in 1959 and had the family business passed down to him when his pa hit the turf. Its amazing how many by-elections in Ireland can be won by simply canvassing with a relative's obituary in tow, a taiser, and a stupid fucking grin. Anyway, this point has nothing to do with the election of 'Leno' (as his mates like to call him) to the Dail in 1996. His whole family have been pissing around Kildare Street since the time of Gladstone, selling tin and shit. Mary-Lisp O'Rourke is his aunt. I'll leave it at that.
After the election of 2007 Leno was appointed Minister for Justice, Equality and Law Reform. In fairness to the bloke, that does sound kind of bad-ass. The problem though is that Brian has done little on the auld equality side of things. On weekends, he likes to engage in a little bit of deporting in the style of 1930's Germany.
Unknown to many, Leno orders his own deportations. This puppy doesn't need civil servants, lawyers or even the fucking courts. He has his own SS, the Blanchardstown Garda force. First thing you know, you're Nigerian and taking your kid to Burger King in the Tallaght Square Shopping Centre and then bang!!!, you and your little nipper are in the back of an unmarked Ford Mondeo on the way to the big barn in Santry, having a Ryanair ticket to Luton shoved in your face. That is how shit goes down in "Leno's Land" (from his website).
If you do manage to get some hippy from Amnesty Ireland to delay your deportation by a few days, Brian takes this as a personal insult. Another thing that few ordinary people know is that Leno has a first class honours in Law from knob-filled Trinity and a first class Masters in Law from Cambridge. Which means that he has done some lurid things against his wishes...very lurid things indeed. It also means that he knows his shit and doesn't need state appointed lawyers to get these foreign terrorists out, he is the fucking state.
Researching this article I contacted the Department of Justice, Equality...blah blah blah by phone. The receptionist wanted to remain anonymous but I got the crux of what Leno wants to do in this term of office. "His is really going to fuck those immigrants up", stated my insider in a surprising note of glee, "Seriously fuck them up - you ain't seen shit yet". Apparently, the plan is to turn Lambay Island, off the coast of Dublin, into some sort of Ellis Island facility, where your usual types; the young, sick, feeble, returning emmigrants from Leitrim, could be weeded out and sent back home.
Happy days.
These randomers in the photo above just don't want to be there - you can just fricking tell. They are all holding this brown book looking 'deadly', except that guy on the very right who probably ate his. And the bloke second from left is also about to eat his. Yes, Hanafin is the one in the middle. Not the dude in the shirt. So yeah, Mary is holding the book open, trying to look all studious. Eh Hanafin, you need to be actually looking at it to be able to read it.
So anyway, who know's how exactly Hanafin was conceived, probably in the cradle of hell, but what we do know is that she has made a right fuck-up of the department she is in charge of - that of Education and Science. Sure she can't even spell properly, this is an extract from the welcome page on her website(www.maryhanafin.ie/failte.htm) :
"T� �thas orm go ndearna t� teagmh�il liom agus t� s�il agam go l�ifidh t� �bhar suimi�il. F�ilteofar roimh do thuairim�!
What is that? I think its an attempt at our rancid language. Hardly inspirational for the students, forced by Hanafin, to take the subject for the Leaving Cert. (She signs off on her welcome page with the simple signature 'Mary' - D?n Laoghaire Fianna F?il T.D - how sweet).
Hanafin was born in Thurles, County Tipperary in the year 11 A.D and over the last 2000 years she has been intermittently engaged in epic Highlander-esque battles with various pig farmers. She converted to Catholicism in 316 A.D after she went out for a few cans in the local field with Saint Patrick who told her JC "was wicked". After realising that being only able to converse in an ancient dialect of Hebrew was useless to her, Hanafin decided to enroll in Presentation Convent Thurles, in the early 1970's. Somehow she managed to get a degree a few years later from some shithole.
After getting fleeced numerous times by teenage scobes on her stroll home to Coolock (Mary likes to walk everywhere), Hanafin decided that Blackrock, on the other side of Dublin city was where it was at. Teaching to little shits in the Dominican College, she realised that having power (the non-mythical type) was savage and gave politics a go. To cut a long story short Mary, after getting fucked around a bit by her local electorate and Fianna Fail, eventually got elected to the Dail in 1997. Well done Mary.
Hanafin, as mentioned, has gone on to become the Minister for Education and Science. This job basically involves visiting a few bankrupt schools around the country for PR purposes, looking like a spa at the Young Scientist Awards once a year (again for PR purposes) and taking the piss out of kids with autism and principals in Celbridge, County Kildare. In 2009, Hanafin will get €240,000 a year for her labour. She maintains it shows "leadership to defer the pay increase by 12 months" (RTE interview with Dobson) - eh what. The high wage is also needed to ensure that Ministers don't revert to dodgy deals for income (again with Dobson) - how fucking noble. Pity she is full of turd.
However, the lesson learned from 'North Kildare Educate Together....gate' was that you should never fuck with someone who has been around since crucifixes were all the rage. Even if you are "verbally attacked and berated in an aggressive and confrontational way" by Hanafin, try to take it on the chin. She is always right - fucking always right, especially when it comes to kids with autism. Like Montana, Hanafin likes to do things her own way and if she needs to single out some beatch who gets in her way and publicly humiliate her, then she will, don't doubt it. The best thing you can do is to get the fuck out of Hanafin's warpath.
Or she will be on to Lenihan to get you and your kids deported.
So there are a lot of shit blogs out there, and this one could probably be included as one of them. I don't intend that this blog should be held up as a beacon of intellect, in fact I hope the people who stumble across it will think the opposite.
This blog is concerned with one topic - the people who presently hold ministerial positions in Dail Eireann. Who are these knobs and why should they be paid so much money? For a job that uses more underpaid and malnourished assistants than a Vietnamese sweatshop, the least we should expect from our ministers is a bit of competence and effective governance. Indeed Mongo Harney has ensured over the last four years, that when someone is rushed to Beaumont Hospital all bloodied from a drunken fight the only thing they are going to get in A&E is syphilis. And we also got those fucking ads with the nurse : "I've had enough"???? - You are enough.
Basically, our tax money always go to shit. The buck stopped with Stan after our crap European campaign, so how come these pricks after chilling out in Kildare Street for two hours, still get a Garda escort to the nearest house with smack?
I intend, over the coming months, to give an alternative biography/'current status' of each of our Dail Ministers in the hope that some of it, or maybe 20% of it, is true. For equality sake's, I will also discuss the lives of some of our Ministers in shadow, i.e the saps in Opposition.
I will not start with "Y Tywyswr" ('The Leader' in Welsh), or the cretin that is otherwise known as Bertie Ahern. He can wait. I questioned myself as to who was most likely, among the Cabinet, to have been conceived through incest. With this is mind I turn to my first Dail Minister...
*(Disclaimer : This blog is meant for shits and giggles and offence is unintentional....except Bertie)
