Friday, March 28, 2008

Tommy Broughan

Tommy Broughan is hard. He is one of those politicians who you see walking around Leinster House like a mad yoke sporting a Ben Sherman luminous rainjacket, white Lacoste runners with his hand constantly rammed down a pair of Adidas tracksuit bottoms. The bitches love this kind of shit on Kildare Street…apparently. Tommy represents Coolock and Donaghmede in Dublin – that’s why he’s hard. You know all those knife attacks you hear about every twenty minutes on Lyric FM – they’re all Tommy. He has lost a little bit of it now that he lives in swanky Howth, County Dublin, but fuck man – give him a dodgy look and Broughan will bottle ye on the Dart.

According to Tommy on his website, he was born and reared in Clondalkin, which has been “the ancestral home of my (his) family for centuries past”. His folks have got to be pissed that he broke the family line and fucked off to Howth. I reckon he made the right decision. Clondakin has a massive carpark (more commonly known as the M50) beside it and it ranks second only to Baghdad for the number of deaths on a Saturday night linked to ethnic violence.

(*Note to Tommy about your website: the personal background section should be a brief description of where you first learned to throw bricks at the 51 bus, not the start of a ‘Lord of the Rings’ type mythical story.)

Broughan is a member of many useless councils and committees, including the “Northside Security Services”, which does a bit of keying ‘08 cars on Sunday afternoons and plays Bridge on Thursday nights with members of his local hospice.

Akin to his Fine Gael counterpart Leo Varadkar, Broughan is the Labour Spokesperson for Wank, Wank and Wank or Enterprise, Trade and Employment. I don’t know for sure if there is any enterprise or trade of a legal nature done in his Dublin constituency and if there is it’s probably something that has its financial backing from a drug racket or prozzie ring…like Woodies on the Malahide Road or the Post office in Bayside.

Tommy has been warming the Opposition benches for an embarrassingly long time since his election to the Dail for Dublin North East in 1992. I’ve heard him regularly refer to this situation as “bent” on programmes like Primetime and Loose Women.

Apart from bottling people, Broughan is ‘mad in-te’ his supped up Mazda, tinted windows, robbing cars, joyriding cars, burning cars out, robbing more cars, Tiesto, his new Nokia and his bird. He also likes watching the ‘Tic’ beat Rangers. He doesn’t like parsnip, guitar music or when Rangers win. I got all this shite off his bebo profile (which impressively has over 967,000 hits).

Which is also what he is turning around to look at in the above photo. According to a Labour spokeswoman I contacted, Tommy likes to spend a lot of his time on Bebo…updating his profile, writing “Gilmore is a sap” on Gilmore’s wall (oddly enough) and seeing if his bird has any new photos up from Tina’s weekly gaff parties.

Broughan, on the left, is showing what I can only assume is an audience, where he gets his hits from in the Bebo map section. Most of them are from his mate Deco.

At this point in time I would like to mention that Tommy is a local TD of mine and I say fair play to him. It takes some balls to rob cars from Darndale in broad daylight, burn them out beside the Coolock copshop and still have the audacity to run for a seat in Leinster House. Fair fucks indeed.

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