Apologies for the break folks – I was busy helping Enda throw together the Fine Gael plan to put this state €11 billion further into financial oblivion. Might be a good time to provide you with an update on some of our ministers and opposition spokespersonpeople.
Mary Harney:
Over the last few months Mongo Harney has had the pleasure of seeing one of her disgusting decisions pan itself out on Living TV and Living +1 TV. The strife of Ms.Goody has shown up Harney’s decision to not allow the young fillies of Ireland to get the cervical cancer jabs for what it really is – fucking sexual genocide. I guess it must be hard for Harney to avoid Goody’s face (& fate) seeing as every time she sits down for her daily Quarter Pounder with Cheese and Chips meal in the Dail cafeteria Goody’s beaming gob is smiling back at her from every tabloid newspaper.
Mongo, as a Cabinet member, has allowed the HSE execs to award themselves another pay rise and let Fingleton fuck off to Barbados with some of my pension-levy riddled salary. This is as a result of that little blank cheque Lenihan awarded last September to the Irish b(w)ankers . Message to Harney: When your political “party” officially dies piss off home and never show your face in public again.
Richard Bruton:
He still ain’t top dog yet in the Department of Finance and probably won’t be by the end of 2009. And that will be because the German finance ministry in the guise of the IMF will be running the show. You know that old saying “The Germans are invading”…nowadays it’s the fucking money shot. Be afraid people….be very afraid. He has ditched the idea of building a giant pyramid for the next three decades on the site of Dublin airport’s Terminal 2 (as detailed in his biog below) for a more “non-lethal” proposal. FG plan to build a “smart” electricity grid, with smart meters which supposedly will aid in the development of a greener Ireland. Smart grids, even smarter meters, smart robots….you know what that is? Just watch Terminator 1 &2 (see image above) and check out what happens when we start letting “smart” shit (i.e. not Cowen) run our lives – humanity gets obliterated.
(Beday penetration is now up to 94.73% in Government Buildings – it was at 95% but Cowen got rid of his during the week after a schoolteacher painted a portrait of Il Duce relieving himself in Hanafin’s office).
Brian Lenihan:
Aw dude – shit one.
Tommy Broughan:
Tommy is still digging the head off Redser who has been slagging Ciara because Tina had given her a slap. Tina had caught Ciara eating the face off Redser outside Burger King on O’Connell Street. Tommy has also become good friends with Aisling who I saw on the Luas last week. Aisling came out with this gem, “saw fuckin’ Deirdre outside school today and told her I was scarlet for her, and she was like fuck off, so I turned around and was like you’re fat, you haven’t got a fella and your roots are shite”.
Tommy has still got his ass-grove in order on the Opposition benches although with Eamonn Gilmore now being more popular than Wispas there is a good chance he might be switching sides in the near future. (* I reckon 6 weeks might do it: Lenihan’s Emergency budget is put before the Dail + it fails because the two Indepdendents & a few FF bankbenchers jump ship in order to save their own hide + Government collapses + election = sound).
Willie O’Dea:
Willie is now best mates with the rapper T.I and will still seriously fuck you up.
(Health warning: don’t ever read his pieces in the Sunday Indo – it will produce excruciating pains in your brain, which will lead to blood clots and eventual death….note similar health warning applies to Brendan Tubby O’Connor).
Leo Varadkar:
Varadkar has kept a relatively low profile since his return from the recent Georgian-Russian conflict. In true Crimean War style all enemies of Russia were asked to join in the fight against the darned Ruskie invaders and Leo heeded the call of his Asia Minor brethren. It took him fucking ages to get out there because he went off with sword in hand, mace and shield on some pony he bought in Smithfield. About 2 months actually. Big waste of time because he missed the whole fucking show.
What made shit worse is that his stolen Irish passport didn’t clear when he was passing through the Turnu Roşu Pass of the Romanian Carpathian mountain range on his way back. Added another 3 weeks on to the return leg. Prick just made about it.
Bertie Ahern:
Bertie is off wanking down the back of the class/Dail.
