Micheal Martin was born in 1960 to a boxer and someone else. According to his website Martin, before "entering public life on an occupational basis", was a school teacher. Apparently he wasn't mad on the full-time politician hours of 48 minutes per week and was a little worried about the tag "occupational". Plus it meant that he couldn't fulfill his life-long dream of driving an ice-cream van. But he eventually got over himself and into the Cork Corporation in 1985. From then on....well it was onwards, upwards and sideways in Fianna Fail.
Above is himself on the left with a Goebbel's like grin and a load of wankers (easy on the lipstick Micheal). Like most politicians, Martin claims all the credit for the work of his civil servants and advisers, most notably the smoking ban he introduced in 2004. Apart from getting two gold stars and a smiley face in his copy book off Bertie for passing the ban, Martin received recognition from the American Lung Association of Arkansas for his outstanding leadership. Problem is that Martin can't even spell Arkansas, a fact which ruled him out of collecting his prestigious award.
Story goes that Martin was sick of seeing Willie O'Dea getting all the attention off the birds in Coppers on Student nights, because Willie offered them a puff of his cigar. So Martin decided smoking in Coppers / the whole Republic was fucking outta here. (Shit one because O'Dea gets even more of the honeyz now with his effective smurting).
Micheal spends his time in the Dail doing piss all because the post of Foreign Affairs, which was thrown his way after Cowen's coup, is as about as productive as North Korea. If the Department of Social and Family Affairs is regarded as the post that is halfway out the cabinet door, then Foreign Affairs is pretty much being told to fucking leave the country and never come back.
Micheal told us that he had two main objectives on coming into Iveagh House, (i) to get the Lisbon Treaty passed and (ii) to invade Liechtenstein. The first one could be over by tomorrow night and the second one could be done and dusted by brunch Friday, if O'Dea and the boys down in the Curragh got their shit together.
Staying with Martin's second objective, nobody can really argue with its logic. I've heard that the plan is to rob a few bayonet's and six-shooters off the Yanks while they are passing through Shannon, on their way to Mesopotamia, over the next few weeks. We (Ireland) have kind of needed revenge for that deplorable 0-0 draw we had with Liechtenstein in one of our qualifying campaigns a few years ago - can't remember which one, but I do remember the entire European continent laughing at us. The quicker we annex Liechtenstein the better. Sure nobody in Europe will even notice / give a toss.
Micheal is going to have a tough few years ahead of him. Cowen has publicly given him the "piss off you langer" sign by throwing him the dead end job on St.Stephen's Green. Cowen, after spending 11 years scratching his bollocks beside Bertie is going to want to stick around in the hot seat for a good while. It could be a long long time before Micheal can get himself sorted for a run at the leadership. My advice to him would be to keep the head down in Foreign Affairs, pray to Moses Lisbon is passed and start shocking and awing the arse off Liechtenstein.
