The man has to be a Communist, with a name like that he just bloody has to be. Or one of those Chechen rebel blokes. I thought we had got rid of the last of those fuckers when the people of Dublin West told Joe Higgins to piss off in the last election. (Communists that is, not Chechen rebels, there are a load of them kicking it about in Bantry). It’s a little dubious that Varadkar replaced Higgins in Dublin West, strikes me as a Stalinist-type transfer of power. Fuck it anyway, Castleknock could do with a few gulags and collectivised farms.Rambling a bit there, so yeah…Leo on the left is chilling with his dealer, a chalkboard and some auld fella. I have to say he does look like a bit of a spa, but I’ll get back to that later. Leo, as mentioned, got elected to the Dail in 2007 and Kenny has made him Spokesperson for Wank, Wank and Wank or…Enterprise, Trade and Employment. For the previous ten years, he had been one of those people with no friends, partly because he is from Chechnya, but also because he was involved in political youth parties. While normal teenagers were out boozing and getting head in the local carpark, Varadkar was writing discursive essays on Marxism.
The story of how Leo got into the Dail is pretty shite, but the one of how he got into Ireland is classic. The man should get some memoirs in order; make a few quid in Easons. With war-torn Chechnya looking like Lower Manhattan after Al-Qaeda had a go at it, Varadkar decided to embark upon one bad-ass adventure. Think Black Sea cargo ship, Adriatic, Italian port with guards and alsatians, back of lorry, Channel Tunnel, jumping barbed wire, Stena Line, dodgy passport, hostel. You get me drift.
The main thing that one needs to know about Varadkar is that (apart from his fetish for giant Chinese panda’s), for the last 8 months or so, he has been trying to sexy up the Oireachtas. Not since the time of Sean Lemass cracking one off in the Seanad’s disabled jacks has there been this much sheer raunchiness in government. The problem with Leo is that he suffers from what is known as F.M.S, or Fat Mess Syndrome. The bloke is a tub, who looks alarmingly like a medieval troll.
Like with the photo above, Varadkar always has his bleedin’ shirt open and never seems to wear a tie. Maybe its cool not to wear them in Asia Minor, but you’re in Dublin now fuckwit and if you are going to represent the people of this shithole, get with the program and buy yourself a tie from Dunnes Boutique. Also, every time you see the bloke interviewed on telly for political matters he is never near the Dail, it’s always somewhere fucking random, like his local in Castleknock, his local in Chechnya or outside Champion Sports on Henry Street.
In keeping with his portfolio and general theme of sexiness, Leo has introduced a few forward-thinking pieces of legislation. Varadkar has been pleading with the House to pass his bilateral Sex-slave trade agreement between Chechnya and Ireland. He argues that the government should be promoting our European philosophy of free trade for goods, services and people. This piece of legislation, according to Varadkar, encompasses all three (can’t argue with the man on that). His other main piece of legislation has also been greeted with applause – legalising the use of strap-on’s in all public offices. There is a degree of hope, in some circles, that this Bill might be as successful as the Smoking Ban.
It appears he has also tried to sexy-up his website. Rather than go for the simple “Comments” section on his contact page, he has spruced it up with a bit of, “Any Comments You Might Have”…yeah one - “fuck off”.
